After deciding to go ahead and pursue the matter, I scheduled a consultation with Dr. Brownstein (which was free, by the way). I was nervous to meet with him, but it all went well and we scheduled the surgery. This, of course, prompted me to have to tell the important people in my life about the event. My partner, M, was super supportive of the idea from the beginning and accompanied me to the consultation. It made it much easier to have someone there for emotional support. When telling my parents they did not jump up and down with joy, nor did they react in an overtly negative way. They were not surprised in the least as I was very vocal about my disgust with the idea of puberty and continued to complain throughout. I think they are more worried than anything else, which is not surprising as it is something at which they excel. I was able to tell them in person, which was both easier and harder, I think.
I sent a somewhat formal email to my sisters as a way to distance myself from their possible rejection. They too, however, were fairly supportive and not at all surprised. I have brought up the possibility of this happening at various points over the past five years and I think they know that having thought about it for so long and being so dysphoric about my breasts, that this is the best thing for me and they are ultimately more supportive of my happiness than anything else. Telling my friends has been very easy and they have all been really understanding and excited about it (because I’m excited about it). Though all of the reactions have been overwhelmingly supportive, I still had reservations about whether I was doing the right thing. I was mostly concerned about being able to finance it, but I was also really worried about how the surgery would affect my relationship with M. M self-identifies as a lesbian and is very proud of that identity. I was concerned that she would feel differently about me if I were to have the surgery. I checked in with her about it many times and it wasn’t until around the fifth talk we had that she finally shared some new feelings. She maintains that while she will be sad, in some ways, she recognizes that my breasts don’t really play a serious role in our relationship, except as a cause of stress and shame on my part. What she shared with me was actually quite surprising as it was something I had never thought of. She said that when we’re out in public and mistaken for a straight couple, she feels as though she is lying to herself. That she has worked so hard to be comfortable with her sexual orientation that she is somehow cheating by being perceived as half of a straight couple. Paying attention to others’ reactions of me is not high on my list when I’m in public mostly because I try to remain invisible. I developed this coping mechanism many years ago and have become more and more oblivious to the strange looks that people often send my way. It is because of this that I didn’t realize we were mistaken as a straight couple and that it was upsetting to M. I don’t really know how to resolve this, and anticipate that more people will assume we’re a straight couple after the surgery, which might exacerbate M’s feelings. This isn’t necessarily a feeling you can “get over”. I think, though, that this is something you can adjust to, and given enough time-I hope that is the case.